do it. create. walk and see. cut and paste. scratch and sniff.
do whatever you have to do to feed your soul.
this is my commitment.

Monday, April 1, 2013

from resistance to acceptance (and the benefits of the couch)

painting in progress: 3 cactus wrens,  24X30


I've been sick for over two weeks and this is such a long time (for me).  I can't stand being sick.  Who can?  This particular bout has really left me discouraged since I haven't been able to keep up with my work schedule and commitments. Yesterday, though, I had an "a-ha" moment.  After canceling our holiday plans and practicing the willingness to not get out of my pajamas or move from the couch, I was hit by a thunderbolt.  I realized yesterday that I was finally ready to accept being sick, to surrender to the illness (whatever form it was taking - it has taken several over the course of the last two weeks). 
I resist being sick.  I analyze it.  I fear that if I can't do what is "scheduled", my world will fall apart immediately.  REALLY?  It's interesting to actually state this "old belief" out loud because, afterall, it is false.  The only thing that has suffered that I am aware of over the last two weeks has been my ego (and, when seen from the perspective of the couch yesterday, this is a good thing, really).

I wasn't trusting.  I wasn't trusting that there is a different "ultimate" timeline than my own timeline. I wasn't "going with the flow". Although items on my to do list aren't getting completed in the time and fashion I would prefer, it's always a relief to realize (once again) that there is an abundance of time and a perfect time and place for that to-do list and more.  More is an important word here.  Sometimes, I get so fixated on my to do list, there isn't any wiggle room for "more".  

After this time of awakening yesterday, I was contacted regarding a potential project that really excited me.  I don't know if this project will even start or where the project will go, but I do know that because I had resigned myself to the couch and surrendered to (what can sometimes become) my rigid schedule, this project came to me easily, effortlessly and I experienced inspiration (yes, even from the couch).

Leo Babauta of zenhabits says,
"Go with the flow. Change is good. Change is a part of life. 
We might like our routines, but there will always be something 
that comes along to disrupt them. Accept that, embrace it, 
and learn to flow with it. If we become too rigid, 
we will break in the face of the pressures of life. 
But if we learn to accommodate those changes that life throws at us, 
and still head towards our goal, we’ll be happier 
and we’ll get to where we want to be. "

There is, obviously, a lot more to this idea - a lot more depth than I can even begin to dig into here.  I will say, though, that I had one idea for my creative commitment in March and, eventually, I needed to surrender to another variation on this idea.  This "ultimate" plan turned out to be much more powerful than what I thought was better for my creative commitment this March.  I also believe this "ultimate plan" was what prompted the possibility for this potential project too.  
AMAZING.

happy EEEEAster!
the last painting from my March Creative Commitment
6X6, acrylic on paper, available in my etsy shop

4 comments:

  1. Kari,
    I found your blog through my dear friends Palma and Meryn. I have heard of you from Palma for years. Sometimes Facebook is grand. I needed to read this blog TODAY! It will free me up to embrace my flow...
    I hope whatever has got you gives up and leaves soon, so you can embrace Spring. Till then, hugs,
    Cherie

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    1. Thank you, Cherie! SO GOOD to meet you. Thank you for introducing yourself!

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  2. PS - am loving the bird series and looking forward to getting back to the you know what. :)

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    1. Thank you, Megan! Glad to see you HERE!

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