I used to think I needed to function under the illusion of control. And I wasn't fooling anyone but myself. With so much emphasis on controlling the exterior, I could feel less overwhelmed about how rattled I felt on the inside.
When I committed to start working on unraveling my rattled interior, the exterior had no other option but to completely fall apart.
I am still waiting for the exteriors of my life to come together. With so much time spent on the excavating and nurturing of my emotional and spiritual being, I believe that the physical (or exterior) is bound to come together eventually!
In the meantime, some days are hard. I get caught up in the don't haves rather than all the haves I have taken so long to sort through and embrace. But, generally, I feel grateful to have come to a place where I feel (almost) always comfortable in my own skin. It's a really good life.