at my breaking point

This is an excerpt from 66 in the Tao Te Ching, a Chinese Taoist text dating back to at least sixth century BC. The Tao has been a daily “go-to” for me for over 20 years. 

In all honesty, I think trying to manage all the emotions I have been feeling in the midst of what seems to be getting worse (I honestly didn't think THAT was possible) with this administration cannot be “managed” any longer. I feel pushed beyond my limit.  I mean if I feel traumatized and I am this far removed from it, what does it actually REALLY feel like for someone to be directly on the receiving end?  I shudder over this.  I lose sleep.  I HAVE lost sleep.  It's too much.  It doesn't make sense to me.  NONE OF THIS MAKES ANY SENSE!  WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE? Where does someone like me start?  

And then, you know what?  I start feeling guilty for feeling traumatized.  Why should I feel this way?  I have never EVER had to prove my worth to this effin stinkin' society - EVER.  This makes me sick.  And I am getting physically sick.  This is what happens to me when I feel and cannot stop feeling and then I lose sleep and then I get sick and then...What service or good can I be to anyone else like this? It's just all so complicated and painful.  

I always take this way back (every time) to what we, as settlers, did to the Native population.  I just feel like our culture is so power hungry and I honestly feel like it's a cover for generations of severe insecurity and feelings of inferiority. How can we possibly say WE KNOW how to do this when there have been so many deeply rooted, peaceful ways other cultures have practiced living? When will we wake up? How traumatic does this really need to get AGAIN? 

CHANGE CYCLES. Change patterns. Time and time again, “our” ways HAVE NOT WORKED! Will we EVER be able to be humble enough to admit our unbelievable ignorance (aka arrogance) and start over? Learn a new way of living? SERIOUSLY. #atmybreakingpoint #rightsnotwrites


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