I just crossed the threshold into five decades of living. This feels like no big deal and a very big deal all at once. I have so many things I want to say about this, so many topics I want to write about that fall under this umbrella that it's difficult to just pick one (for today). Even as I am typing here, I still have no idea where to start.
What feels really important to say right now is that I feel like this life has been a lot of really hard work. And I am not referring to our traditional sense of work as a job or career. But there has been that too. That definitely has an element in all of this.
My "work" has been something that cannot be measured. It's not something that would be appropriate to list on a resume or LinkedIn.
My work has really come full circle, back to the person I clearly was as a child, even a teen. Being such a sensitive, quiet and reflective person raised in an era where these characteristics weren't seen or understood (let alone appreciated), I received many messages that I needed to work harder than the average person just to get by. I spent a lot of my time trying to out wit or overcome my natural personality.
With so much time spent stretching myself beyond healthy limits, soul searching was in order. And a lot of that soul searching started with discovering the person that I was not. This was part of what I had to do first.
At five decades, I find myself somewhat loosened from all of those external expectations I decided to initially take on. I am able to experience myself as I truly am meant to be. Instead of working harder, I want to work softer. I also want to have at least as much (if not more) time to work within this true-to-self, natural state. And I'd like some wiggle room for more practice! This person - my person - feels newly exposed and quite vulnerable. I'd like some flex time to build more strength!
Realizing I have come full circle can be humbling but it's what I've got. And, at least, I made the trip. That's how I choose to see it on a good day anyway.
So here's to five decades, applying what I've learned, settling into the strength of who I am (and who I was in the first place) and soaring beyond all cultural expectations.
More topics I want to write about under this umbrella of 5 decades include
(this is for my accountability if nothing more):
1. Learning the distinct difference between suffering and being uncomfortable
2. It's our time! Time to notice those people who don't assume the center stage
3. The lost assets of time and experience
4. The benefits of life long learning (and that you truly can get a thorough education with "$1.50 in late charges at the public library")
5. Burning new pathways, rerouting how we think
6. To be more than a flash in the pan (trend). I want LEGACY.