just thought I'd beat my head against the wall for a couple of days (again) aka will I ever learn?

fox in process, 24x36, acrylic on canvas

If you've been following along for awhile, you already know this is part of my creative cycle.  Why am I always the last to remember or be reminded?

I am such a beginner (see May 30th post on instagram / facebook).  I actually always hope to be.  It's my best mindset when considering my work as a painter.

The last two days I forgot I was a beginner, though.  I spent two full studio days arguing with two different paintings. I argued for two full days!  Who does that?

I was so disturbed, I consulted Peter just as he was about to drift off the sleep.  Nothing like stewing in my own head until the 11th hour...

Peter said what I knew to be true.  I was still in arguing mode (in my head) though.
My thoughts to his comments are included:

"Yeah, there was a lot of paint there."
<GAWD, I know!  I was wondering if you'd notice>

"Maybe this isn't the week to paint."
<you mean, I need to have another one of THOSE weeks?>

"No, the last two days weren't wasted time."
<how come I don't believe you? how come I always go there?>

"How about writing instead?"
<that isn't enough.  there has to be something else.>

After a night of sleep, I woke up, remembering the agony awaiting me in the studio. Then I remembered my willingness to surrender my work for the week.  I started working on another project and needed to reference old journals.  When I was paging through them, I stumbled on an "old" idea.
Guess what THAT inspired? See image above.

Nope.  Not wasted time.
I just needed to be reminded.
The creative force within me is not willed to work.
The creative force within me is granted a road to travel when I let go.

with a flash of the tail, 24x36, acrylic on canvas, 1950.


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