further challenges with ideas regarding the act of surrender
Today I am sick on the couch. I rarely get sick and so, when I do, it's hard to believe at first.
I have a few ideas that I wrestle around in my mind when I am sick. They are usually of this nature:
Why is the house in dire need of cleaning when I am sick? Today I feel like I have to spend my day horizontal on the couch, being witness to a house in disarray without being able to do anything about it.
Why am I sick today of all days? It seems I always have a long to do list when I am sick that needs to be re-evaluated (no matter how much I want to dig my heels into the ground and forge ahead). This was the case today. I had three different commitments outside in the world that involved others' commitments and schedules and I had to cancel.
I dread the time change (a recent happening), the shorter days and the colder temperatures. Sometimes I think I just get sick because of how sensitive my body is to all these changes happening at once. And then I wonder why don't I give myself extra breathing room this time of year to adjust? My schedule has been heavier than ever over the past two weeks. Will I ever learn?
Another thing that happens when I am sick is I want to make finite decisions. I think, because I am lying horizontal, not able to do much of anything, experiencing complete powerlessness, I want to control something and so my mind starts bouncing around, trying to make sense of everything. Luckily, I have learned this isn't a good idea. In other words, a sick mind doesn't take my best interests to heart.
I really want to believe Deepak Chopra's words regarding surrender right now (I have been listening to them a lot lately).
...surrender means that I have lost my need to wish that things were not as they are, that this moment is as is because the whole universe is as is. If I fight against this moment, I have to struggle against the whole universe. Surrender means that I let go of my idea of how things should be. If things don't seem to go my way, I let go of my idea of how they should be, trusting that I don't know the big picture. But if I knew it, it's fine. Surrender means no need to control, no need to manipulate, no need to cajole, or convince, or demand, or beg, or seduce. It means to allow. And from surrender comes being...
Here is to "allowing" so that we can "be". Oh, and I won't be sick for long, I promise...