the grief chronicles 4.
Yesterday was my annual meeting with my interim accountant to begin the filing process for this tax season. I always tell myself, every year, that I will be able to manage the loss I experienced a few years ago when my previous CPA of many years passed. It's amazing to me that someone I only met with once a year could have such a positive impact on my life.
My taxes are quite simple, actually. You'd think I'd be able to do them myself. But because of the absence of any W2 or I9, I feel more comfortable hiring a professional.
Ms. R (R as in Radiate) is how I'll refer to this accountant. She loved what she did. And she specialized in working with so many local artists. You could tell she was inspired by those she was able to serve. I remember looking forward to our annual appointments. Who looks forward to tax season? Well, Ms. R created such a warm, radiant and inspiring energy around it all. It was so contagious it could carry me for another year (until tax season came around again).
Ms. R had a way of noticing progress and seeing beyond the numbers themselves.
She was extremely perceptive in knowing how vulnerable I felt and putting me at ease.
There was always laughter and a goal for the year to come (which seemed absolutely possible with her in your corner). Believe it or not, I have her to thank for finding myself HERE, with my business. I hope she knows this (wherever she is).
I have a tendency to think that a person like that who crunches numbers for a living only comes along once in a lifetime. But why do I choose that belief? There have to be more people who love what they do and love the people they provide their service to. There have to be.
And so, with a contrasting experience yesterday, even though I think I am prepared, I get really jostled and lose my perspective and focus. It's not like being (what feels like) 100% vulnerable (and self employed) can be jostling enough! I don't even know how to articulate this right now. I am an emotional mess and, for some reason, I am not giving myself the space to be a mess. For some reason I think one, brief meeting with someone (who really has NO idea what I am about) can have SO MUCH influence on me. Come to think of it, this is why I am a mess. THIS IS WHY. And I find it unacceptable. This is the part of me that, depending upon which way the wind is blowing a certain day, cannot just let sh*t roll off of me and blow far away. And this is the part of me that is REALLY difficult to accept MOST of the time.
Oh, and I had 12 voicemail messages saved from my dearest, best-est friend who I lost this past November. Yesterday, my carrier had to restart my voicemail and what was left of "her voice" is now gone. I can still hear it today but I was holding on, in case there came a day when I would need a reminder. She radiated too.
There are so many parallels between these two people and the spirit they provided for me in my life. And they are both "gone" and that just seems like just too much today. UGH.
My taxes are quite simple, actually. You'd think I'd be able to do them myself. But because of the absence of any W2 or I9, I feel more comfortable hiring a professional.
Ms. R (R as in Radiate) is how I'll refer to this accountant. She loved what she did. And she specialized in working with so many local artists. You could tell she was inspired by those she was able to serve. I remember looking forward to our annual appointments. Who looks forward to tax season? Well, Ms. R created such a warm, radiant and inspiring energy around it all. It was so contagious it could carry me for another year (until tax season came around again).
Ms. R had a way of noticing progress and seeing beyond the numbers themselves.
She was extremely perceptive in knowing how vulnerable I felt and putting me at ease.
There was always laughter and a goal for the year to come (which seemed absolutely possible with her in your corner). Believe it or not, I have her to thank for finding myself HERE, with my business. I hope she knows this (wherever she is).
I have a tendency to think that a person like that who crunches numbers for a living only comes along once in a lifetime. But why do I choose that belief? There have to be more people who love what they do and love the people they provide their service to. There have to be.
And so, with a contrasting experience yesterday, even though I think I am prepared, I get really jostled and lose my perspective and focus. It's not like being (what feels like) 100% vulnerable (and self employed) can be jostling enough! I don't even know how to articulate this right now. I am an emotional mess and, for some reason, I am not giving myself the space to be a mess. For some reason I think one, brief meeting with someone (who really has NO idea what I am about) can have SO MUCH influence on me. Come to think of it, this is why I am a mess. THIS IS WHY. And I find it unacceptable. This is the part of me that, depending upon which way the wind is blowing a certain day, cannot just let sh*t roll off of me and blow far away. And this is the part of me that is REALLY difficult to accept MOST of the time.
Oh, and I had 12 voicemail messages saved from my dearest, best-est friend who I lost this past November. Yesterday, my carrier had to restart my voicemail and what was left of "her voice" is now gone. I can still hear it today but I was holding on, in case there came a day when I would need a reminder. She radiated too.
There are so many parallels between these two people and the spirit they provided for me in my life. And they are both "gone" and that just seems like just too much today. UGH.
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